i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
