not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
