I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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