Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Did I show you my penis last night?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
