I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
