chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
