This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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