Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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