Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
