She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
