I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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