I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
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The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize