I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
