She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize