JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
