i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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