Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
