I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
