Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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