better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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