It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
