The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
