He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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