I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize