took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
