VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
