i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
