Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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