Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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