Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
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Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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