A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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