I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
