We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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