i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
