Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
