She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
