I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No subtext here. People are naked.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
