I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
