I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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