Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
