i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He? As in you personified your dick?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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