Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
