Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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