Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Non-Jews are for practice

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.

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(516): View more from New York

i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(360): View more from Washington

just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I will give you all my nachos to make this happen

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(912): View more from Georgia

I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.

(423): View more from Tennessee

I felt the need to accentuate it....

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.

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