i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
