this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
