remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?