I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
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DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.