I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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