So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
