i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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