And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
tell me about the eggs
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