Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
