Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
