His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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