Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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