He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
