I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
