just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
