This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Alive.
So much puke
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
