I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
