I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
