he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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