Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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