Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
