She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
