Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize