i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
