im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
