I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
