K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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