I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
