I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize