last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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