Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
