There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pants are for mortals
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