She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
